Bless me, the stars come into alignment.
Daniel had a lot of red ink on the first scene, and much less as the play went on. I would like to think that means he got swept up in the story, and just couldn't raise his red pen again until he'd finished. Or maybe it's because the first scene is really awful and difficult to follow and I need to get rid of it.
Truth is, he really likes that scene, loves the language, the style - but there are many opportunities for an audience me be confused. Some things (like to main character's NAME) need to be made much more obvious up-front. Aubrey reads a letter, who is it front? About whom is the writer writing? If Aubrey picks up a diary and reads, is it his own diary, or someone else's? What is going on?
It is not a bad thing to force the audience to listen hard. But Lady Mercer, who is she? And so on.
Cool. I can work with that.
Don't forget, everyone but Americans write Date-Month-Year.
Why the Giaour? Why does he ask for that story?
We tripped through The Count sequence, the main question is - is this story so close to one everyone knows so well (or do they ..?) that the changes will confuse them?
In The Interview - can Eddie have greater responsibility for his brother's death? In this case - though Daniel does not object to the Kent State reference - it is passive enough as to not incur enough guilt. (Speaking of which - there's an article in today's Times about teenage runaways selling sex for security.) Guilt is a strong motivator. And it is what moves Louis in Rice's book.
Now ... as the piece becomes contemporary, Daniel suggest I spell certain things out a little less obviously. We are, after all, taking this into schools. Even using the words "sex" or "Jesus Christ" makes him nervous. I understand. And I can work with that.
And yes, I need to read Twilight. The whole thing.
Finally ... how to kill Porlock. I liked my idea, pulling his heart out, but it smacked Daniel of a scene from Temple of Doom. Grisly ... and stupid. However, he also freaked out at Porlock's description of surviving on the ship - biting down on a 'hapless rat.' That's good. I'm keeping that.